B Rad of the W

I have not posted in a while. I do not intend to post again soon. I know your every movement in life depended on what drivel I posted here and I am sorry. I do not spend ten hours in front of a computer each day anymore and I am probably better for it.

I have a ton of things to catch up on and then a ton of great new things I am going to dive into with all this extra time I now have. I will have a new blog or two in a new location in the future. They will more than likely be nothing like the junk here. With a lot of luck, stubborn will and a dash of talent I will hopefully soon and officially be an “artist”! Creating and selling items I have made to others that feel the need to fill their life with them. Bless their dollar bills, good taste and support. So these new blogs I intend to have will be more personal and self promoting in nature. Wish me luck!

Thanks

Apparently AP is now shooting for top asshat of the year award. Not that there were not already ass hats for previous actions. It is nice however to have you asshattedness reconfirmed from time to time I would imagine.

They have put a very restrictive social networking policy in place for all employees (see story). Basically stripping them of their freedom of speech by telling them who they can be friends with and what they can post on their private social networking profile.

Come on AP pull your head out of your nether reagions! One of the largest news organization in the country and they want to curb freespeech and control what you do. Great… remind me to stop (or never start) reading any AP content.

So one cave man says to the other… “You know chasing these mammoth and saber tooth tigers is fun and all but I need some real danger in my life. I have been working on this new thing I like to call the Getem-Go-Fast. What do you think?” The other can man says “Dude punctuation has not even been invented yet so we better stick to one word. How about the Wheel!” Then the first cave man says “It is too damn bad the patent had lawyers have not been invented yet. I bet if we patented this sucker we would be able to sue the bejeezus out of people for the rest of our lives.”

And ever since they we have been making new and surprisingly stupid things with wheels in an attempt to end our lives early. I thought it was just a more recent thing and that inventors had a personal hatred for kids. Turns out I was wrong. We have been making stupid wheeled things for a very long time. It just so happens that adults had realized falling down sucks. So it is up to the kids to buy and use stupid wheeled things.

For example the the classic Penny-farthing which was that stupid bike from the late 1800s with one huge wheel in the front and one tiny itty bitty wheel in the back. I think you mounted it with a flying gazelle like leap and a ton of luck? Then came roller skates and other foot powered death machines. So Wikipedia tells me the roller skate actually came out before the penny-farthing but I think it did not really catch on till we started paving the planet? Later we had the skateboard and then of course roller-blades. In your local Walmart you can now find those ridiculous scooters with tiny wheels and this new two wheeled skateboard deal called a rip-stick I don’t even understand?

Not to be outdone adults are still trying to injure themselves on wheels as well. It is just that they don’t want to fall and get hurt which takes weeks to recover from. Instead they want to go so stupid fast they just die if there is a problem. So we now have the one wheeled motorcycle and the Segway. I guess the Segway is really not that fast?

The point… well sorry I don’t have one. I just watched the below video for the Duoped and it made me think, “We have done a lot of stupid shit with wheels”. Thank goodness this contraption did not catch on or we would all have flat faces and no front teeth. NOTE: The total lack of helmets, lands sake!

When I say I eat my dates I am taking about the fruit. When the psyco path from Japan called Issei Sagawa eats his dates I am referring to young Australian women!

Issei Sagawa killed and ate a young Australian girl because she was healthy and pretty. He wanted to absorb her energy. Makes perfect sense to me I guess?!? He of course had sex with the corpse because when you are out of your freaking mind this is just what you do I guess. He was stamped insane in France so you know he was  bad apple if they thought so. Then he was sent to Japan where his wealthy parents saw to it that he never saw the view from behind any bars. Nice folks, very supportive.

So the real cream on top of this shit sundae is not only is he free and walking around but he is a celebrity! That is right, the messed up folks in Japan like to hear from him from time to time! He hosts talk shows is often  guest speaker and even writes restaurant reviews! He confesses to still having cannibalistic dreams and people still think he should be walking around? I guess this just gives me one more reason to not wear dresses in Japan.

The video below is not totally about Issei Sagawa but he does plan a key roll and tells the reporter how he loved eating women but he hopes she does not hate him! Because you know Timmy killing and eating people is just a lot like wearing leather pants to church. It is a little odd but nothing to dislike someone about. Give me a break! Even in Japan why the hell is this freak show walking about?

For god only knows how long you had to register with my blog and be logged in to post a comment. Well I am not sure how that change took place and it sucks! I must have forgotten to click a button in one of the zillion Word Press upgrades?  Well I done fixed it all good now so please share all your comments on current, past and future posts. It makes me feel all special and loved don’t ya know. I am still leaving it so I have to approve the comments before they go live but that is just to keep away the Viagra offers and what have you from polluting my comments. Feel free to call me a dirt bag or what have you if you so choose… I will clear it for posting. Name calling, disagreement, and general harassment is encouraged. Offers for penis enlargement from spammers not so much.

I am sorry I had not caught this earlier and shame on all you readers (both of you) for not letting me know of this error. A big thank you to Anita for pointing out this blunder to me.

Danka

The video below makes me want to scream! So now their are actual people who think it is a good idea to tag people on planes like dogs and zap them when someone gets out of hand! The EMD bracelet by Lamperd is a god damn joke. I say write to them and tell them they are freaking cracked.

So they want to tag you with a bracelet and then when someone causes trouble they will just zap the whole damn plane into submission with a taser bracelet. We all know how safe tasers are right!?! No one ever dies from them. There is no way possible they could just zap the “bad guy”. No they would have to zap the whole plane! Imagine someone trying to look through 150 buttons to find the one for said “bad guy”… no that will just not work they will have to zap the whole plane. The video shows one guy falling but I think that is PR crap.

I am all for drastic. If we can get rid of all the damn luggage searches, humiliation, wasted funds, cavity invasions, line standing and general pain I am all for drastic. But if we want to do drastic lets just go all the way. Once on the plane they can just fill the whole cab with knockout gas till the son of a bitch lands. Then we can all take fingernail clippers and baby bottles on the plane again.

This taser bracelet is a half assed baked idea… I am sure we can expect to see it in two years!! Hey on the bright side it looks from the video that it at least has the advantage of giving the airlines a whole new way to loose your luggage.

I remember life before computers Timmy. Let me just tell you the way life was before Google, Wikipedia, YouTube, Facebook, Whitepages.com, and all those other fancy digital closets you hang out in. When computer games first came out the graphics were so bad you really had to use you imagination to see the large chunky pixels as actual items. When Apple first came out is was going to change the world… and it did several times! When digital storage first came out 300 Mb was around $20,000 (that was even before my time). When I bought my first “large” storage device it was an 88 Mb SyQuest disk and it cost me almost $100. When I invested in my second “large storage option I bought 100 Mb Zip disks for $20. Last week I bought a 4Gb thumb drive for $19. When I sent my first emails it was on a black and green terminal (not even a real computer). Back then my parents never would have thought they would be using email. When computer technology was all fancy and new even Elvira got it on it and used her dark sex appeal to sell.

I guess what I am saying is I finally understand what my grandparents were talking about and feeling when they mentioned their first car and their first house with a toilet. Do you suppose kids born in a few years are going to look at you and chuckle when you tell them about gasoline? I remember when you had two gas choices, “leaded” and “unleaded”. I can not wait to see what technology springs forth next.

Click the text links above to look at some old “vintage digital” ads and watch the terrible video below. Pole position was a great game at one time! Look at those blobs. Are we really supposed to believe they are cars? yes Timmy those are cars on that fancy new gaming box, beats the hell out of pong!

This dude is my me idol! He grows a beard every winter and then carves it up to archive various beard types. How cool it that? I really like my goatee but I will never be able to archive such variation. Lets just say I only shave twice a week!!

I do have a good patch though (see image below). I am not complaining by any means. It has taken me a long while to achieve this little victory and I am glad I never get the 5 o’clock shadow! Shaving twice a week is fine by me.

While the mowing season is a little shorter where I am than in the south I still think I need to start a new business. A bikini lawn service would be great and no one else doing it any where near me. I have a cousin who mows lawn on the side but I have to tell you, if he wore a bikini I don’t think it would increase business at all. Maybe it is time he expanded and hired some hotties.. I mean helpers. If I were a decent looking lass I think I would pick up a $100 mower and start a damn business. If I ran it and hired the hotties I would just feel like a pimp. I guess I could be a kind well paying pimp though? Than would make it a good thing! You know helping college girls earn next years tuition and all.

What a great summer job for a hard working young lady. She can get a tan, get in shape and learn a valuable trade! I am sure billing at $60 a lawn I would be able to pay the yard workers more than McDonalds or any crappy greasy spoon restaurant could. Hooters “the family restaurant” has used this same marketing plan for years and look how successful they are.

Being a designer I could come up with some pretty motivating advertising and snappy tags lines. “Bushes out of control? Get a bikini trim!”. “Stop whacking your lawn into submission and let the bikini team do it right”. “This Fathers Day thank dad for life’s lessons with a bikini mow”. “We don’t have the answer to a slumping economy but we know how to do hard work”. “Love your lawn, give it something to look up at”. OK so these are not all great but I think it is a pretty damn good start for 10 seconds of brain storming.

I don’t suppose this would be a successful snow removal business? I stole the picture above from bikinilawn.com. I don’t think they should mind though. I mean they have a great service and the more people that know the more lawn they can mow. My only complaint about them is they have a pretty weak web site. Hell you can not even tell what area they service from reading the web site.

Here is a video news story of another bikini lawn care service.

I am away for a week… talk amongst yourselves… be back in a week or so.

My blog blew up and I don’t know why.

Parts are blasted everywhere. I am not sure what went wrong yet but I would imagine this will take me some time to figure out. I am not a programmer so this may kill me… please wish me well.

Hopefully this will be fixed in a few days. Sorry for the mess.