I don’t own a coffee shop. But you can bet your sweet booty that if I did I would have a sign like this!
Archive for July, 2007
I don’t own a coffee shop
Tuesday, July 31st, 2007Ireland Handles their flood a little different
Monday, July 30th, 2007It would appear that Ireland handles floods a little different than New Orleans did. I feel bad for those who are still displaced but can someone tell me why the hell anyone thinks it is a good idea to build the city again? I mean it is still below the water level and all. Shouldn’t we haul some dirt in there or something? I must be the only one that thinks New Orleans will flood again because I sure as hell would not rebuild a city there.
YouTube = YouSuck (most of the time)
Saturday, July 28th, 2007I love YouTube. It is more addicting than crack. If you have never gone there, don’t. Well unless you use crack. If you are a crack head you should go there because you will never again have time to do crack. I would bet you could kick the crack habit in no time using YouTube.
Ignore YouTubes categories. Their videos really should use my categories. Those categories are as follows:
Nobody cares but you - This is all the shitty home video. No one liked it in your living room and no one likes it on YouTube.
Look at me, look at me - A sub category of the above except it is all high schoolers.
I want to be stalked - This is all the underage lasses dancing around in their panties so “TuffGuy345″ can leave a comment like “That tall one wants it”
Dumb Ass - These are some of my favorites. Usually people fall off roofs skateboarding and what not. Usually males.
Stupid shit - Much like the above but with more household chemicals and less ambulances.
Prank - These are very good as well. People prank others and get it on film
Pure class - A lot of these become viral. They are the ones where someone has a great idea and tapes it. I posted one of these videos earlier in my blog.
Educational - These are rare (no one wants to be smart) and one of the best is Geriatric1927
As seen on TV - TV programs, News, and movies dumped to the WWW
WTF - What The Fudge. These come in two flavors “gold” and “hot garbage”. Many go viral. Just strange people doing strange things.
Total waste of time - Stuff so dumb the uploaders should be beaten. Again usually teenagers. They film themselves just talking and giggleing to each other.
Train Wreck - A sub category of Total Waste of Time but they are so bad you don’t even make it to the end.
Train Wreck Superglue - Also a subcategory of Total Waste of Time. Train Wreck Superglue videos have an other worldly power that prevents you from turning it off. They are bad, you know they are bad, you know there are better things you should be doing yet your mind must know why this video exists. In the end you have no idea what you just watched and are just left confused. Below is an example of such a video.
Purple cartoon hippos are always funny
Friday, July 27th, 2007I don’t care who ya are those cartoon hippos are just fun!
There is of course my favorite the classic thong hippo.
Then there is the jungle hippo.
Farts and hippos, is anything more funny?
Well um… Don’t be a pervert
Thursday, July 26th, 2007
This is a rather unusual picture. The original is here. Apparently there is a group of people that have not figured out that there is scads of porn just laying all over the internet. These sheltered individuals take these slightly sexually suggestive pictures and then post them on Flickr and snicker. One such collection is here.
To each there own I guess. I won’t be looking for the “Erotic Chlorophyll Quarterly” magazine when it comes out. Don’t bother doing a search for the magazine you pervert, I made it up.
Teenagers + Theaters = PAIN
Wednesday, July 25th, 2007Why aren’t kids smart enough to turn off phones in a movie theater? Why when they are too busy playing grab ass to turn off their phone are they still rude enough to answer it when it rings? Why when they were too dumb to turn the phone off, rude enough to answer are they still oblivious to the fact that they should walk out of the theater to talk to their dumb ass friends? I can not comprehend this? Do they really think anyone it the theater wants to hear them on the phone? Do they think those around them are doing anything but wishing death and plague upon them while they talk to Cindy Sue about you know who? When did kids become so damn rude? They can yell and scream out of cars, they can act like asses in the parks and they can even bump into me and not say sorry in a mall. I will let all these things pass with little more than a general grimace. However when I pay $16 bucks for me and a guest to see a movie another $10 to $15 for some overpriced soda and popcorn I sure as hell don’t want to hear your pony ass talking on the phone. I should not put the whole blame on teenagers since I have had to ask many a mature couple to shut the hell up in a theater as well. Am I alone here? Are there people that don’t mind blabbing in a theater? Do teenagers like listening to other teenagers have phone conversations three rows up while they are trying to watch Harry freaking Potter? Below is a clip from the Aqua Teen movie, I believe. Do you think threats like these before the movie would work?
Star Trek idiot
Tuesday, July 24th, 2007I love Star Trek. Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster though that I have enough common sense to not spend every penny I have to redesign my freaking house like a Star Trek star ship! Toni Alleyne redesigned his place (story) into a Star Trek themed headache. Below is the video of this mess. I will give him kudos for creating an impressive and well crafted place. However, who the hell would want to live in that? Good luck with the ladies pal because you are going to need it. Example = “Oh Toni is that a Star Trek transporter? Lets get freaky baby!” - Not gonna happen!
I think Toni finally sold this apartment but he went broke for his efforts. He has an official web site where I think he is trying to get other dorks to pay him to design a Star Trek house for them. Again “good luck”!
Being a Star Trek fan I did however get excited when I recently stumbled onto this site Star Trek New Voyages which is a fan created online distributed series. It also appears as though we will be graced with another Star Trek movie next year! Now if we could just have a current TV series I could find joy in life again.
Anarchy seems inevitable
Monday, July 23rd, 2007
Based my extensive research playing the game Civilization it seems inevitable that our democracy is going to turn into an anarchy. I have found during my many years of research that after several rounds of extensive war efforts a civilization being run under a democracy will always revolt and fall into an anarchy based civilization. The bad news is we (USofA) are well beyond the standard 10 to 12 rounds it takes to fall into anarchy, based on my research. The good news is that if all war efforts are discontinued a civilization can return to a democracy after only 3 or 4 rounds. There is a slim chance that if war efforts are stopped right now we can avoid an anarchy. However we should still bring the troops home as soon as possible to shorten the time we are in a state of anarchy. My research has also reveled that even if all other civilizations are “cautious” or “furious” with your civilization you can still run an effective democracy. If we do fall into a state of anarchy we can expect several large cities to burn down the churches, coliseums, and possibly the bank. More than likely several cities will also experience some population loss due to starvation.
I would like to thank Sid Meier for making this research possible. Without his game I would not have been able to conduct this through project.
Put the Twinkie down tubby
Friday, July 20th, 2007
OK if this makes me an ass so be it… If you are so dam big that you can not even zip your own dam pants then you need to take less trips to Taco Bell not seek out shopping sites like livingXL.com. Some people are bigger than others that is the way life works. I could care less if people lug around a few extra pounds whether they be self inflicted or genetic. I could care less if you are husky or even just plain old fat.
I do however think that if you are so damn over weight that regular chairs scare you due to a past seating failure that you need to cut back on the old caloric intake. Hell maybe even move a little as opposed to shopping for a new scooter. I am not a chubby hater but much like Richard Simons I think something can and should be done when you reach a certain point. I never again plan to use myself and Richard Simons in the same sentence! EVER! For example if your car goes down the road with a tilt you need to perhaps eat less and move more. If you wear slippers everywhere because you can’t see your feet you need to loose weight.
So this rant was brought on because I ran across this web site (livingXL.com) for big and tall people. While some products make a lot of sense, like the lawn mower handle extender and the leg lifter for older people other products should make you want to cry. For example they have a zipper pull. This way if your arms can’t reach around your girth you can still lock the cows in. The worst part is it even comes in regular and large size. So is you are “regular to fat to zip your pants” you can get the smaller unit. If you are “extra to fat to zip your pants” and need even more help you can get the large size. I think if you are this damn big the cows are far enough under the porch you don’t need to shut the doors. How damn big do you have to be to not be able to zip your pants? They also have a bottom buddy and a Self Wipe Personal Toilet Aid. Yes these are as nasty as they sound. I guess it is good for the neighbors though. Now they don’t have to come over and wipe your ass! I would rather have my guests kick a dildo out from under the couch then find an ass wiping stick in my bathroom.
I am glad that with a little exercise I am able to loose weight. I also feel bad for those that will always carry some extra unwanted pounds. With that said however, if you can’t wipe your own ass without sticks try a salad and throw the remote in the dam garbage.
Dubya gonna take all your shit!
Thursday, July 19th, 2007I ran into a link to this executive order on Digg. My time machine is down right now so I can not see how far this will be pushed but it looks like all your shit can be taken by the old USofA if you oppose the war efforts in Iraq. I don’t do legal jargon but this document is rather vague and rather severe. Tell me again why Dubya is still running the country? I know his very low 20% approval rating is impressive and all but perhaps we should be finding out what Carrot Top is doing for the next year and see if he likes oval shaped offices.
We want more Bush
Tuesday, July 17th, 2007Not only is that fun to say (we want more Bush) but if Bush wants to really get this dictatorship thing going he better start planing for next year. I found this little image on th old wild web and had to share. Much funny!
Forget the rocket man I wanna be the balloon man!
Tuesday, July 17th, 2007
OK, I know it is stupid. I know it is dangerous. I also know it is probably illegal in most cases. However I still want to grab a 12 pack, climb onto my lawn chair and be whisked away on the breeze as it catches the balloons tied to my chair. Kent Couch just did it so why can’t I? Hell there are so many people with a death wish doing this crap there is even a web site! I guess if you are going to die and you like the feeling of falling screaming to the ground. A bunch of balloons is far classier and news worthy than just jumping of some lame building.