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Archive for July, 2009

Alanis Morissette wants to show you her humps

Friday, July 31st, 2009

So you take Black Eyed Peas “My Humps” song and have Alanis Morissette sing it. Great idea! No, No Timmy it is not.

First off the video is about as painful to watch as it is watching your pecker get hit by a 4×4. Now if you just listen to the “sound” and ignore the words being used it is actually pleasant. I actually like Alanis Morissette’s whiny high voice. I am not going to be so bold as to say she demonstrates a lot of vocal variety, but I do enjoy it. Now if you do listen to the words you will just feel like you were dropped on your damn head! The lyrics are angry yet Alanis sounds like she is sad or that her grandma just died. It is a very messed up mix! For funny I give it a yes. Do I want it to be done again, most certainly no! Fregie or the Black Eyed Peas and Alanis should never duet!

It also occurred to me that Mrs. Morissette is not a real pretty lady. I mean I would not run from her in a dimly lit alley but you get the idea.

Posted in Funny videos, Music | No Comments »

What is it you are selling me Arctic Cat

Thursday, July 30th, 2009

This ad is a prime example of design gone all wrong. This ad is in a deer hunting magazine so at first glance it does not stand out as super stupid. It is a person with a deer head in a deer magazine… no big deal.

Then, however, if the odd deer head catches your eye you stop. For a second you see a green Arctic Cat logo so it must be for Arctic Cat. But wait the largest product is a gun? When did Arctic Cat start selling guns? Oh no wait, there is a 4-wheeler in the ad. Doh that is what they are selling! Now I see the message in the the tiny hard to read headline with a white edge making it even harder to read. It says “Built to do what you’re built to do”.

Now I am really confused! “Built to do what you’re built to do”?? So I must be the deer headed person taking up half the ad, right? So then I am built like a deer to kill deer? Looks like Arctic Cat is saying you should hunt your own kind. But is that other hunters or deer then? Oh but wait, they want to sell me a 4-wheeler, remember! A 4-wheeler built like me who is built like a deer to hunt deer. But why does the 4-wheeler not have a deer head then? I mean if it is built like me and I have deer head. Wait would I have to hunt my 4-wheeler then because I have a gun and it is built like me to do what I do and I am a deer and I hunt deer? Fuck it all, now I don’t know what the hell I am doing!

So after my mind unwraps and settles I guess it just boils down to a shity ad with a shity picture trying to freak me out and get me to stop on the page. Well that mission is a success. Hell, I even blogged about it! I think someone just wanted to see a person with a deer head, then this crappy ad was tossed together around it? This ad does not however tell me why I want an Arctic Cat over any other pile of bolts with wheels? The whole message and imagery here is all flummoxed.

I am not the worlds greatest, and I do make mistakes but I guess I would have made the headline bigger and able to be read. Then maybe I would have had the 4-wheeler racing down a trail like a deer. Maybe a deer faded behind the 4-wheeler to help with the illusion of speed. You know then the 4-wheeler could look to be “built like me” which would be fast. Who am I kidding, that headline sucks as well and needs to be redone! At least at first glance I would see a 4-wheeler not a damn gun held by some sideshow freak. After all this ad is not supposed to be selling ATVs, I think?

Posted in Design >Bad | 2 Comments »

So drugs make the world go bad?

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

Fathead Bill O’Reilly and like minded fatheads say Amsterdam is a cesspool out of control and other such fatheaded things. Of course this is all because of the Netherlands “free love” and “free drugs” policies. Well according to the fathead ass hat wearers on the O’Reilly show anyway.

Seems the Netherlands take offense to this? Go figure huh. Below is their response to the fatheadedness. It is a little hard to argue some basic facts. Now I am not saying we should all go smoke a bale of weed so we can all be happy and healthy like these sharp folk from the Netherlands but I am also not going to demonize drugs and say legal pot will ruin the country. I mean after all then what would the politicians have left to do!

Posted in Educating the corrupt, Uncategorized | No Comments »

Exercise your masterbation muscles

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

Well here you have it Timmy, yet another pile of crap piece of exercise equipment sure to make you look like a complete tool. I give you the ShakeWeight. Now in theory I can see how this silly thing may provide a good workout and may even have some benefit. In reality though you look like a total dweeb using the thing. Not to mention I would imagine you would be vibrating and jiggling about for at least an hour after you are done working out from all the jostling about this thing causes. Sort of like sitting on the washing machine during the spin cycle?

The worst part is the damn web site! It is uber cheesy and lame. It almost looks like a web site and product developed by The Onion. You have happy toned women gladly holding onto a throbbing cylinder as is pulsates and pounds back in forth between their firm grip. This thing looks like it really pumps back and forth! Do you have to wear steal toed shoes? I would think this sucker winds up being dropped on a lot of toes.

On a positive note this thing will work great if you need to repack your driveway. You could even tenderize your steaks with it Timmy! Now exercise… naw I don’t think so.

Posted in Design >Bad, WTF | No Comments »

Turtle porn

Monday, July 27th, 2009

This was on Digg today so I need to share. It is a turtle having and orgasm and showing you his O face. That is about it, but I bet you have never seen a turtle orgasm before!

Posted in Oh looky what I found | 3 Comments »

Buzz Aldrin sings and it is pretty cool

Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009

What can you even say. This is a video of Buzz Aldrin rapping! If you don’t know who Buzz is I will help you break you out of the tiny bubble you live in. Buzz walked on the freaking moon! Beat that. Jesus only walked on some damn water.

Oh and Buzz has a website if you are interested.

Buzz Aldrin’s Rocket Experience from Buzz Aldrin

Posted in Funny videos, Movies | No Comments »

Oh how I do love well done strange

Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009

Many things can be strange. A great deal of strange things are only strange because of the shock value. Someone swallowing 12 eggs whole for example. I think strange can be enjoyable if its shock based but its the easy way out. Like if you want to scare someone you just jump out from behind a building or something. Just jumping out is a fun scare but its weak and certainly the easy way out. Now leaving strange foot prints in someones yard from an “unknown” creature and then leaving the front door of their house slightly ajar after placing odd animal fur in the bathtub certainly takes time but its a well crafted scare and thus more enjoyable and better appreciated.

A while back I had posted about the very odd balloon videos I had found. They are certainly strange but not in a way you can appreciate and admire. This below video is some really great strange. It is well planned, well executed and you are never quite able to really understand it. I think it is freaking great!

Posted in Educating the corrupt, Funny videos | No Comments »

Fox should shut the hell up

Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

So according to Fox News a national medical system will attract terrorists. This is the sort of lame narrow minded stupidity that all the weak minds feed on. Even if it was true what percent are we really talking? How about focusing on some of the real problems it may cause. Oh wait, other than a little shuffling of funds there are no real issues.

FYI I can round up the funds if the elected retards can not figure it out.

Stop the retarded war on drugs. Users will be users you can not stop that. Spend 1/10th what we do now on public education. Smart people will avoid it and dumb people will still be dumb.
Get the “F” out of Iraq and stop babysitting the whole damn planet.
Put Palin in a cage it tight leather. Throw bananas at her and charge people to get access to the web cam.

Posted in General Bitching | 1 Comment »

Inflatable cars ya say…

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

xpcar This company called XP is going to be pumping out inflatable cars next year. First off, what a shitty name “XP”. It really makes the Mac user in me cringe before I even know what it is all about. The article a friend send to me claims the car will sell for like $10,000. The company web site however claims the car will sell for $20,000. At 10K I may be interested but at 20K you can keep the inflatable bastard.

So they claim the thing is super safe as it should be. It is of course electric and that is smart because that is where things are going to go I think. I mean after all you are riding in one big air bag! The plan is to ship the car to your house and then you just inflate it in two hours and drive. It is made of the same crap as the mars landing balloons and other hightech crap so not to worry Timmy it will not deflate like your little doll from a friction burn.

I like the idea and can not wait till they get their act cleaned up so I can see what this thing might really become.

Posted in happenings | No Comments »

I am ready to go now
No point in hanging around this planet any longer

Tuesday, July 14th, 2009

I have seen some very strange stuff on the internet as we all have. I have seen some pointless drivel that makes you wonder why anyone would ever post it much less watch it. I have see some horrors that no amount of liquor can wash from the mind.

I have however found the biggest waste of time, of bandwidth and the greatest mind stumper ever! Bar none this one is the leader! I bring you the videos of balloonboyaz. I have placed just one of the 73 he has below. That is correct Timmy this bald dude has made 73 videos of him blowing up inflatable shit, popping balloons and just in general proving beyond a doubt that he needs a god damn hobby!

I hope this guy is retarded otherwise I don’t even know what to think. But then, if he is a retard what sort of an incompetent person lets a retard play with all those popped rubber bits! He could choke! Maybe there is some strange balloon fetish I don’t know about? The most confusing part is the comments on his videos. People actually get into this shit! “You should have popped it like this” or “Man great video”. Where are the comments from those like me saying “dude throw your camera away and buy some Playdoh”.

I don’t know what to tell you this shit just ties the mind in knots. And this Timmy is why beings from other planets have not visited us yet. They are afraid they are gonna get stuck with this dude as an ambassador!

Posted in WTF | 1 Comment »

God is apparently very funny

Monday, July 13th, 2009

This below video shows just how funny god can be. Apparently he just needs some over weight douche bag preacher who is propped up by human crutches to go waving about and yelling at people. Once again confirming my belief that it is religion that is all wrong and messed up. If you want to believe in some sort of god or higher power that is cool by me. I can even kind of understand it. It just seems that once you start going to church and socializing with like minded people that your brain shuts off and you act like a buffoon? Why is this?

Posted in Educating the corrupt | No Comments »

Banana knowledge

Thursday, July 9th, 2009

I really have not seen anything interesting lately and I have been to whipped to rant about some insignificant detail of life. I do think the movie “District 9” coming out this fall looks pretty bitchin. I am also excited to see “2012” this fall.

For now however lets learn the fast easy way to open a banana.